Rizzo in Wonderland

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Thu, 16 May 2013 00:15:36 -0400

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Sun, 12 May 2013 21:00:20 -0400

thearcanetheory: fuckingrecipes: DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING...

Fri, 10 May 2013 09:02:05 -0400

fuckingrecipes:

DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING OVER, BUT YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE SMOKE OR YOUR MOLD EXPERIMENTS OR CAT PISS OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?

WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME BRILLIANT, BECAUSE THIS SHIT ISN’T EDIBLE, BUT IT’LL MAKE YOUR HOUSE SMELL LIKE A GODDAMN CHURCH CHOIR SINGING HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH IN YOUR NASAL PASSAGE! (YOU SHOULD GET RID OF WHATEVER’S STINKING UP YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AS WELL, MORON)

RUN YOUR CLASSY ASS OVER TO THE STORE AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE PREPARED FOR THE MIND-FUCK OF THIS SHIT. YOU’LL WANT 1 ORANGE, A SMALL BAG OF CRANBERRIES, 3 CINNAMON STICKS, GROUND CLOVES, NUTMEG, 2 LEMONS, ROSEMARY AND VANILLA.

THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THAT YOU CAN COOK, BECAUSE CLASSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS NEED VARIETIES IN THEIR LIFE!
THE FIRST IS ‘CHRISTMAS’ AND THE SECOND DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN NAME, BUT IT’S FUCKING WONDERFUL.

ONLY HAVE ONE POT OF THIS SHIT GOING, IT’S CRAZY POWERFUL.

“CHRISTMAS”
CHOP UP THE ORANGE, SKIN AND ALL, BECAUSE YOU DON’T JOKE AROUND WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT.
USE YOUR WARRIOR STRENGTH TO BREAK THE CINNAMON STICKS IN HALF, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF SNAPPING THE FEMURS OF DRAGONS BEFORE YOU SUCKED THE MARROW OUT.
THROW THE ORANGE AND CINNAMON STICK PIECES INTO THE POT, OR IF YOU’RE NOT CONFIDENT WITH YOUR AIM, YOU CAN SET THEM GENTLY INSIDE. SHOVE A SMALL SPOONFUL OF NUTMEG AND A SMALL SPOONFUL OF CLOVES INTO THE POT.

THEN FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH WATER UNTIL THERE’S ONLY AN INCH OF LEEWAY BETWEEN THE WATER AND EDGE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DAREDEVIL MOTHERFUCKER.

NOW SET YOUR STOVE TO A LOW-MEDIUM SETTING, AND LEAVE IT SITTING THERE TO MARINATE IN IT’S OWN QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. DON’T COVER THIS FUCKER, BECAUSE THE SMELL OF IT IS GOING TO INVADE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE.

THAT WHICH WILL NOT BE NAMED

THE OTHER VERSION OF BOILING POTPOURRI ONLY HAS LEMONS, ROSEMARY SPRIGS AND VANILLA.

RIP THE LEMON INTO CHUNKS WHILE SOLVING THREE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES IN YOUR HEAD AND YELLING AT YOUR FLATMATE TO LEAVE YOUR OTHER EXPERIMENTS ALONE, THEN BE A CHAMPION BY NOT USING A MEASURING TOOL WHEN SPLASHING 1 TABLESPOON OF VANILLA INTO THE POT.

TOSS IN THE ROSEMARY SPRIGS AFTER YOU’VE STARED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.

FILL THAT SUCKER WITH WATER AND PUT IT ON THE HEAT.

YOU LEAVE IT ON FOR 2 HOURS AT THE START OF THE DAY, THEN TURN IT ON AGAIN AN HOUR BEFORE GUESTS GET TO YOUR HOME AND LEAVE IT ON ALL EVENING.
TAKE A WHIFF UP CLOSE EVERY FEW HOURS, BECAUSE THE FRUIT WILL START TO SMELL WEIRD AT THE END OF THE DAY AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TURN IT OFF.

WHEN YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE THEY’LL HAVE TO STEP BACK AND EXCLAIM “HOLY MOTHERFUCKING TITS, THIS IS ONE CLASSY HOME”

Not gonna lie, I’m mostly reblogging this because reading it is so thoroughly enjoyable.

sass-master-jack-frost: creepylandshark: zamii070: I know...

Thu, 09 May 2013 22:41:17 -0400

sass-master-jack-frost:

creepylandshark:

zamii070:

I know what I`m doing for my art project next week

ARE YOU SHITTING ME

knowledgeandlove: theswamprose: eva-unitxvx: ihadwishesonce: ...

Thu, 09 May 2013 08:37:30 -0400

knowledgeandlove:

theswamprose:

eva-unitxvx:

ihadwishesonce:

The sad thing is, this is what the education system has become and I applaud him for speaking his mind.. I wish more people saw this video

Did not see it going that way but damn. Cheers kid.

Blond Boy for president

No but seriously who is this kid I honestly want to know I want to tell him how fucking fantastic his shit is

I just want to keep watching this over and over again because it just stirs something in me wow

Why did he not receive an applause with a standing ovation. If I were in that class I would’ve walked right out with him.

Just got my tax return in today and watching it all disappear into my savings and bills and...

Wed, 08 May 2013 09:01:18 -0400

Just got my tax return in today and watching it all disappear into my savings and bills and ect…. Man that hurts my heart lol. But I feel better knowing I’m going to be debt free sooner than expected than being able to buy worthless stuff and hardly use it… It sucks being an adult.

Break ups

Tue, 07 May 2013 12:47:06 -0400

I’m out with my friend because she’s going through some break up issues with her guy. She hasn’t been happy with him and she found a guy that opened up her perspective of that to her. So I gave her daughter a ride to school today and picked her up and we talked about the pros and cons of all of this. The last thing they have to settle over there relationship is a money dispute. See, they had a shared account. So whatever money she brought in was mixed in with his. She had her whole tax return in her own savings account though. He gets money through his G.I. Bill which he doesn’t have to pay for and works one day a week. She works hard to earn her money. He kept at guilt tripping her and convinced her to give up her tax return of 3400 because she owes his monther 2000 and he wants money to pay bills and bullshit. I personally think that its fucking stupid that he’d ask for more than enough money and take money out of her daughters mouth just to get back at her for the break up. Its fucking selfish. So that’s what she’s doing now to settle everything and be done with him. Giving over everything except for her one paycheck. Did I forget to mention that he’s kicked her out? And that she has no car either except for the one that they shared together? Real royalty, this guy.

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Tue, 30 Apr 2013 19:48:44 -0400

detremere: nopietyjustpieandtea: THIS IS MY FAVORITEST...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:01:55 -0400

detremere:

nopietyjustpieandtea:

THIS IS MY FAVORITEST EVER

YES THANK YOU

lightmytitsonfire: peppermonster: perfection. headcanon...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 12:27:03 -0400

lightmytitsonfire:

peppermonster:

perfection. headcanon accepted.

OH MY GOD

the-vandals: Date a girl who writes. Date a girl who may never...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 23:12:10 -0400

the-vandals:

Date a girl who writes.

Date a girl who may never wear completely clean clothes, because of coffee stains and ink spills. She’ll have many problems with her closet space, and her laptop is never boring because there are so many words, so many worlds that she’s cluttered amidst the space. Tabs open filled with obscure and popular music. Interesting factoids about Catherine the Great, and the immortality of jellyfish. Laugh it off when she tells you that she forgot to clean her room, that her clothes are lost among the binders so it’ll take her longer to get ready, that her shoes hidden under the mountain of broken Bic pens and the refurbished laptop that she’s saved for ever since she was twelve.

Kiss her under the lamppost, when it’s raining. Tell her your definition of love.

Find a girl who writes. You’ll know that she has a sense of humor, a sense of empathy and kindness, and that she will dream up worlds, universes for you. She’s the one with the faintest of shadows underneath her eyelids, the one who smells of coffee and Coca-cola and jasmine green tea. You see that girl hunched over a notebook. That’s the writer. With her fingers occasionally smudged with charcoal, with ink that will travel onto your hands when you interlock your fingers with her’s. She will never stop, churning out adventures, of traitors and heroes. Darkness and light. Fear and love. That’s the writer. She can never resist filling a blank page with words, whatever the color of the page is.

She’s the girl reading while waiting for her coffee and tea. She’s the quiet girl with her music turned up loud (or impossibly quiet), separating the two of you by an ocean of crescendos and decrescendos as she’s thinking of the perfect words. If you take a peek at her cup, the tea or coffee’s already cold. She’s already forgotten it.

Use a pick-up line with her if she doesn’t look to busy.

If she raises her head, offer to buy her another cup of coffee. Or of tea. She’ll repay you with stories. If she closes her laptop, give her your critique of Tolstoy, and your best theories of Hannibal and the Crossing. Tell her your characters, your dreams, and ask if she gotten through her first novel.

It is hard to date a girl who writes. But be patient with her. Give her books for her birthday, pretty notebooks for Christmas and for anniversaries, moleskins and bookmarks and many, many books. Give her the gift of words, for writers are talkative people, and they are verbose in their thanks. Let her know that you’re behind her every step of the way, for the lines between fiction and reality are fluid.

She’ll give you a chance.

Don’t lie to her. She’ll understand the syntax behind your words. She’ll be disappointed by your lies, but a girl who writes will understand. She’ll understand that sometimes even the greatest heroes fail, and that happy endings take time, both in fiction and reality. She’s realistic. A girl who writes isn’t impatient; she will understand your flaws. She will cherish them, because a girl who writes will understand plot. She’ll understand that endings happen for better or for worst.

A girl who writes will not expect perfection from you. Her narratives are rich, her characters are multifaceted because of interesting flaws. She’ll understand that a good book does not have perfect characters; villains and tragic flaws are the salt of books. She’ll understand trouble, because it spices up her story. No author wants an invincible hero; the girl who writes will understand that you are only human.

Be her compatriot, be her darling, her love, her dream, her world.

If you find a girl who writes, keep her close. If you find her at two AM, typing furiously, the neon gaze of the light illuminating her furrowed forehead, place a blanket gently on her so that she does not catch a chill. Make her a pot of tea, and sit with her. You may lose her to her world for a few moments, but she will come back to you, brimming with treasure. You will believe in her every single time, the two of you illuminated only by the computer screen, but invincible in the darkness.

She is your Shahrazad. When you are afraid of the dark, she will guide you, her words turning into lanterns, turning into lights and stars and candles that will guide you through your darkest times. She’ll be the one to save you.

She’ll whisk you away on a hot air balloon, and you will be smitten with her. She’s mischievous, frisky, yet she’s quiet and when she has to kill off a lovely character, when she cries, hold her and tell her that it will be alright.

You will propose to her. Maybe on a boat in the ocean, maybe in a little cottage in the Appalachian Mountains. Maybe in New York City. Maybe Chicago. Baltimore. Maybe outside her publisher’s office. Because she’s radiant, wherever she goes. Maybe even outside of a cinema where the two of you kiss in the rain. She’ll say that it is overused and clichéd, but the glint in her eyes will tell you that she appreciates it all the same.

You will smile hard as she talks a mile a second, and your heart will skip a beat when she holds your hand and she will write stories of your lives together. She’ll hold you close and whisper secrets into your ears. She’s lovely, remember that. She’s self made and she’s brilliant. Her names for the children might be terrible, but you’ll be okay with that. A girl who writes will tell your children fantastical stories.

Because that is the best part about a girl who writes. She has imagination and she has courage, and it will be enough. She’ll save you in the oceans of her dreams, and she’ll be your catharsis and your 11:11. She’ll be your firebird and she’ll be your knight, and she’ll become your world, in the curve of her smile, in the hazel of her eye the half-dimple on her face, the words that are pouring out of her, a torrent, a wave, a crescendo - so many sensations that you will be left breathless by a girl who writes.

Maybe she’s not the best at grammar, but that is okay.

Date a girl who writes because you deserve it. She’s witty, she’s empathetic, enigmatic at times and she’s lovely. She’s got the most colorful life. She may be living in NYC or she may be living in a small cottage. Date a girl who writes because a girl who writes reads.

A girl who writes will understand reality. She’ll be infuriating at times, and maybe sometimes you will hate her. Sometimes she will hate you too. But a girl who writes understands human nature, and she will understand that you are weak. She will not leave on the Midnight Train the first moment that things go sour. She will understand that real life isn’t like a story, because while she works in stories, she lives in reality.

Date a girl who writes.

Because there is nothing better than a girl who writes.

popculturebrain: comedycentral: This was hilarious. [via...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 23:11:27 -0400

popculturebrain:

comedycentral:

This was hilarious.

[via @NathanFielder]

The show may have wrapped but the fun continues.

babybelley: jah-mama: mrsmelchiorgabor: this is what...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 23:05:12 -0400

babybelley:

jah-mama:

mrsmelchiorgabor:

this is what heterophobia would look like if it was real. if you believe that heterophobia is a real thing that exists, please watch this because you will see that it simply doesn’t exist, that it never has and never will.

tbh I think everyone should watch this anyway because it’s very clever and very powerful

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Wed, 24 Apr 2013 22:16:35 -0400

Don’t stop chasing. I think that one of the biggest reason why...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 14:17:37 -0400

Don’t stop chasing.

I think that one of the biggest reason why relationships do not work out in the long run is because at one point, one side (or both) stops trying. Before one claims another person as their significant other, they would do anything to make that person happy. They would chase, they would flirt, they would be charming. They would send daily morning and goodnight texts every time you wake up or go to sleep. They would write corny messages and pick up lines just to make sure that there is a smile upon your face. But once they claim you as theirs, all of those things eventually stop. The 5 page texts slowly turn into 1. The constant calls turn into not calling at all. And the lovely endearments turn into daily arguments. In order for a relationship to work, don’t ever stop chasing. Just because the person you want is now consider “yours”, it does not mean they deserve anything less than the time when you’re trying to win them over.

thomasscohen: this is probably the best quote from anything...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 09:57:27 -0400

thomasscohen:

this is probably the best quote from anything ever

drowninginjohnlockfeels: SOMEONE SAID IT.

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 21:50:55 -0400

drowninginjohnlockfeels:

SOMEONE SAID IT.

lifewithlittlebutt: a-study-in-butts: hiddletash: thiinka: ra...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 23:03:36 -0400

lifewithlittlebutt:

a-study-in-butts:

hiddletash:

thiinka:

raetherandom:

BIkers Against Child Abuse Helps Make Abused Children Feel Safe Again

“A biker’s power and intimidating image can even the playing field for a little kid who has been hurt. If the man who hurt this little girl calls or drives by, or even if she is just scared, another nightmare, the bikers will ride over and stand guard all night.

If she is afraid to go to school, they will take her and watch until she’s safely inside.

And if she has to testify against her abuser in court, they will go, too, walking with her to the witness stand and taking over the first row of seats.”

i love these guys

omfg are they giving her a bikers denim jacket???

i think this may literally be the most touching thing i’ve ever seen.

sandandglass: #accurate

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 23:39:38 -0400

sandandglass:

#accurate

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Tue, 26 Mar 2013 23:18:21 -0400